Tom and the Heroes blindside Cirie (Photo: CBS)

So yeah, I know I failed to write about last weeks episode.  Lamer I am, but I did want to come by real quick before the next show started and push out a few thoughts.  You know, the gospel according to Tommy and shit.

Last weeks show was hot, I loved it.

Coach is such a whiney bitch its amazing

The villains ownt the heroes in both comps which was awesome and Russell excelled.

There is trouble brewing between Rob and Russ

Tom thoroughly and masterfully blindsided Cirie that part was so awesome.

Probst asked some great questions to Rupert putting him on the spot.

All in all, whew, I loved the show, but whats ahead for tonight?

They’re pushing to make it seem like Russ is on the way out but fear not my fellow Russell supporters, our man has not yet begun to fight!  This war has not even begun and they are counting him out.  Its going to be great to be right the whole game and lavish praise upon Russell week after week and our man, the KING finally win his rightful spot as the ultimate survivor!  LOLz!  Just wanted to make sure everyone knew where I stood now, before the show even begins!

Later

—Tommy

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JT gives Tyson the bitch smack in the sumo comp (Photo: CBS)

Thats right folks, I said it, the heroes officially bitch slapped my villains on last nights episode.  Do not for one instant think I have lost faith in my villains with their fearless leader King Russell quietly engineering his brilliant victory this season with the villains, but wow…  WOW…  The villains looked terrible in last nights immunity competition, Sumo in Mud.  So let me break it all down for ya.

First things first, last week’s episode was pathetic, lame, weak, and just plain WTF.  For all these reasons I chose not to write about it.  This week though, we start things off lazily enough with the heroes returning from their semi wanna be dramatic tribal from last weeks episode.  James is coming down from some weird caveman bully thing he’s got going on when Tom approaches him and basically says its all good but ya could have acted a little nicer is all, you know a kinder gentler survivor is what Tom seems to be hoping for.  Tom also felt betrayed by JT whom he had an alliance with from day 1.  With last weeks vote, Tom’s biggest ally, Stephanie, was voted out of the game.  JT obviously voted against her so Tom was left scratching his head thinking WTF, who can I trust.  Tom is no dunce, though, and realizes he does need allies so when JT approached him to make nice, Tom was quick to accept the kids apology and move on hoping JT will at some point be beneficial to his game.  Not a bad move sir.

Parvati (Photo:CBS)

Snappy snap to the villains camp at night and you find Russell cuddling up to Parvati.  It was an obvious situation where I could feel Russ’s wife steaming from my luxurious king size bed in Boston and had to take the covers off.  WHEWY!  Don’t get me wrong, I’m certain it was just the king doing what the king does best which is bonding with his minions and bringing them closer into his villainous grasp but still, there was a puppy dog look to it and like I said, its pretty certain his wife wasn’t feeling too overjoyed with those images.  Boston Rob pointed out something which may be overlooked by some but really should be noted.  Rob said to watch how they sleep together at night if you want to know who is aligned with who.  Rob is clearly on top of his game, its just too bad he is a fainter…  The next day Coach makes mention to Russ that he’s getting dangerously close to Parvati and needs to watch it.  Russell runs over and discusses the whole conversation with Parvati who at one point gets a bit uncomfortable and tells the king that if she goes he’ll be next,  pfft yeah right.

Crazy James wondering wtf with all these bitches? (Photo: CBS)

So the next day, Rupert is crying because his team lost two comps and isn’t really acting as a team.  Next thing ya know there  is some more chickens clucking around, cluck cluck club.  The heroes come together and bring Rupert to tears with their amazing clucking skills at rounding up the chickens.  While Rupert is crying about how happy and joyous it is for his team to work together, James is simply interested in eating him some chicken!  Randy meanwhile scrounges up a giant clam and tries to share it with the villains only to get the cold shoulder from all but Parvati and Sandra.  JT at the heroes camp gets scared of Candice while chatting together and runs off to Cirie lying that Candice was trash talking her.  Cirie confronts Candice who then goes on a witch hunt to determine who’s talking about her behind her back.  Noone has a clue obviously and James tells her to just chill and worry about winning comps.

Later that night back at the villains camp, Russell is up to his tactics by taking the machete and burying it in hopes to drive his tribe crazy by removing this needed tool from Rob and Coach who like to run around chopping shit all day, chop chop…  Russell also sets his eyes upon Rob’s sacred Boston Red Sox cap touting his pff Astros.  This is the first time the king has let me down.  Red Sox nation owns you, we all know this fact and who are the Astros anyway?  I thought they were disbanded or some trash.  Anyways the next day it was noticed but really didn’t seem to matter to the tribe.  I almost get the feeling everyone was expecting something to happen like this and guess it is the king’s handiwork.

Finally its time for the immunity challenge.  It’s called Sumo in the Mud and its pretty much exactly like it sounds.  Two at a time the survivors squared off on a platform.  They were provided a large cushion to grasp with two handles which they had to keep their hands inside to duke it out with.  The platform sat upon a pit of mud and it was looking nice juicy and slippery.  The team to shove off 8 of their opponants first would win immunity and a very nice luxury package to include coffee, spice, and everything nice!

1. Tom & Russell: Russell owned by Tom quickly. 1-0
2. Parvati & Candice: Candice owns Parvati after a battle 2-0
3. Rupert and Coach: Coach got Rupert out but took hand outta bag do over, used his arm. Coach flips off Probst who says point your anger at the pirate…  Round 2 Rupert bull rushes him out quickly. 3-0
4. Jerri and Cirie: Jerri ownt quickly… 4-0
5. Tyson v JT:  Tyson owned and kisses jt 5-0
6. Amanda v dannielle: dannielle owned heroes 6-0
7. Colby v Rob:  Rob Owned 7-0
8. Randy v James: Randy owned quick one hit and james curses him… Heroes win immunity

Really don’t know what to say about the immunity challenge other then it was pure, 100%, unadulterated ownage!  The villains got spanked hard and got sent back to camp with a reality check.  Once in the camp the two names being tossed around were Randy and Parveti.  Parveti was very much about finding out who was calling her name and why. Randy was content to play in the water while letting everyone else decide the course of events.  Pause a moment here, take one minute out, I want to express something here.  I have been extremely disappointed of late by my reality games.  It seems like everyone tries to take out the strong guys first and the floaters keep floating eventually to win the whole shebang and I’m sick of it!  So while I can understand taking out Parveti over Randy, cmon Randy didn’t even plead his case except to Coach.  Randy has been noticeably absent from the game as are many others in the game.  If I ever get the chance to participate in one of these games, floaters must have their games perish!  I will take my chances heads up against a strong opponent any day rather then let some weak dumbass redneck beat me out by pure ef’n luck and the work of everyone else.

Villains first Tribal Council (photo: CBS)

Tribal Council comes around in quick order and not much really good here.  Probst asked some decent questions about prior relationships and their effect upon the game.  Most agreed that the prior relationships are a huge consideration in strategy.  When asked about the leadership Sandra talked about Rob and how some don’t do squat like Coach who got pissed and started going back and forth for a lil bit.  Really nothing too eye opening though Russell called his prior Foa Foa tribe a bunch of dodos lol and showered praises upon his new tribe.  When the vote came out Randy got sent packing unanimously save his vote which went for Rob.  Hats off to the villains for eliminating another floater!

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Episode one of Survivor 20 Heroes versus Villains!  YES!  So amped we’re finally back to a healthy dose of Survivor on Thursday nights!  And if that isn’t enough, it’s a conglomeration of all our favorite stars and the best part yet, The King is back on the island!  You know it, King Russell has arrived for his second shot at becoming the ultimate survivor and folks, you don’t really think Russell is out to disappoint, do ya?

Drop off at the beach... (photo: CBS)

So to start things off the survivors were all helo’d in and dropped off their hueys smack dab in paradise.  They were separated into their respective groups and Probst began the welcome aboard “Q & A.”  Nothing new here really just typical questions about their thoughts of their tribes whether they were on the right or wrong tribe.  A few comments about their previous games and things the survivors felt they did wrong or right.  James was looking huge but admits he needs to fear the talkers in the game which did him in last go around with 2 idols in his pockets…  Jerri admits yes, she is right at home on the villains.  Russell is in awe of those around him and happy to be given the opportunity to play others who respect the game.  All in all nothing too unexpected on the beach but first things first baby, lets line em up for their first challenge!

The first challenge which would be for the fire reward was called Battle Dig.  The object was for 2 survivors from each tribe to run down a lane and stop in a designated area digging for a bag hidden under the sand.  Once they got the bag they would need to run back.  This was an extremely physical competition which truly brought the competitive nature of these survivors out in an instant.  Stephanie in fact got her arm dislocated from her shoulder by Parvati.  Russell looked like he was attempting to break Tom’s leg after that occasion and Sugar got her top ripped off while running to the finish with her bag.  When the dust finally settled, the heroes won the first challenge.  Happy happy joy joy seemed to be the theme for the heroes from this point on in the show.

Coach, Colby, Tom, and King Russell (Photo:CBS)

In the aftermath of  Battle Dig, tribes headed off to their camps to begin setting up for the stay.  As one might expect, the king quickly set about working his women approaching both Danielle and Parvati with his end game contract in blood deal with the devil.  Parvati recognized it as such but at the same times said she welcomes a deal with the devil.  Both Danielle and Parvati are on board with becoming the king’s first loyal subjects Parvati noting how much of an incredible force that Russell is in the game.

Meanwhile at the heroes camp,  Colby was crying because he got beat out in the Battle Dig by Coach and the rest of the camp was frolicking all about.  Amanda Loves her tribe full of good energy, good aura, good karma and Tom finds 4 chickens meandering about.  He rounded up a few fellow survivors and used the fish net to capture them.  A most impressive deed for sure!  Rupert gets ecstatic watching his crew thinking that perhaps his team won’t hit the wall in the first five days which are surely the toughest.  Its good to be a hero!  Happy Happy Joy Joy!

Day two rolls around to find Coach pining away over Jerri while Courtney sees romance and thinks Jerri is in love with the dragon slayer.   Both Jerri and Coach are content to team up but don’t want to let their bond become a hindrance to their game.  Russell lays it out for Coach telling him ya don’t step away from love it it hits ya, you go grab a hotel!  Boston Rob is simply annoyed that no one appears to give a shit about doing anything and goes off to make fire out of two sticks.  Randy tells him he’s crazy, it’ll never happen only to wind up helping Boston Rob make fire!  Awesome job by the villainous!

Day two for the heroes involved a bunch of allying and teaming up with JT allying with everyone; James, Cirie and Amanda allying; Tom and Stephanie allying.  Rupert spends most of the morning trying to make fire believing that it can’t be done with his flint and steel shaving off most of the magnesium  while Cirie just sits and watches his ego.  Rupert gives up taking a walk while JT and Colby come over to make the fire in two snaps.

Later that night, Sugar tries to hook up with Colby who is totally not down with that walking off whenever she would try and cozy up with him.  As a side note, on twitter, Sugar has mentioned that she wasn’t interested in Colby and had in fact hooked up with JT before going to the show.

Immunity Challenge is next on the agenda and its a big one.  Lock, Load and Light is the title of the challenge and it involves the tribes building a raft, floating it out to grab a torch and back where they take the boat apart and begin working on a puzzle upon completion of which they would use their boat parts to build a ladder up a wall to light their tribes cauldron, whew!  The challenge started out with the villains behind, putting their boat together was taking them to the point of panic.  Once they did manage getting it together, they were at an extreme disadvantage barely making it to the halfway mark before the heroes were taking their boat back up the beach.  However, once the heroes got to the puzzle they were screwed.  Rupert was just standing there looking off into space at who knows what, while the two girls Cirie and Amanda were in a state of idiocy.  Meanwhile Boston Rob was kicking some major ass making up and destroying any advantage the heroes had gained on the water.  The villains blew the heroes away on the puzzle, made their ladder, and won immunity for the tribe!  Happy Happy Smackity Smack!  On cue Sugar begins opening up the flood gates sobbing which Probst quickly noted in case it was missed.

Heroes visit tribal council first (Photo: CBS)

After the loss, Rupert mentioned the obvious that the villains needed the win and the heroes were cocky.  Meanwhile the maneuvering begins in the heroes camp to choose the first victim.  Everyone seems to be going with Sugar, until Tom brings up Cirie.  A very wise choice to bring up Cirie indeed, as lately in these games don’t you just get tired of seeing the powerhouses taking each other out while the floaters float to the end and take the game?  I sure am.  Tribal council is largely uneventful with Probst asking his normal questions focusing in on the puzzle fail and Sugar’s emo outburst.  In the end the votes were tallied 6 for Sugar and 1 for Amanda.

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